Naughty Bits
by theheathen42
Summary: The M rated chapters of Expanding the Relationship.
1. ETR 37

**Expanding the Relationship: Chapter 37**

_This is the scene involving Lindsay waiting for her boyfriend, Chris, to show up and what happens when he arrives. In the original story, I halted before the first kiss. Let's call this the extended remix version, shall we? Feel free to skim down to the good parts._

After having her curiosity not-at-all-satisfied, Jess decided to give up and head to the library to do some more work on her dissertation. She was going to meet Sheldon there, later, and quite possibly rub him in the nose of Dave the Librarian who'd failed to yield to her advances all those months before.

If you can't have the guy you want, get an even better one and make the first one green with envy. Good motto.

Lindsay used the time by herself to drink the rest of the coffee in the pot, have a decent meal, and make herself look extra cute for her boy. She wasn't really sure if he actually thought they'd be having lots and lots of sex today, but if he _did_ think that, she was going to be prepared: shaved legs, good underwear, make-up. _Actually, I kinda hope he **does**_ _want to have lots and lots of sex. This whole shift work thing that we both do doesn't really give us much time for that sort of thing._

She sat on the couch, not watching TV for a while, waiting for him to show up. She couldn't remember if he'd mentioned when he'd come over, and Jess hadn't said anything about a specific time, so she was just hanging out and waiting for the…

_BUZZ_

"Hi? Who's there?" Lindsay was finally starting to heed the constant safety drills she'd been lectured about by every New Yorker she knew. Never buzz up automatically just because you're expecting someone. Always check who it is, first.

"Hey, pretty lady. It's Chris. How's the hangover?"

"Why don't you come up and see for yourself?" she grinned.

She gave her curls a few last touches, trying to make herself as pretty as possible, and then she heard his knock. Opening the door, she was greeted to the sight of a tall, handsome, muscular man in well-fitting jeans and an untucked, partially-unbuttoned blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was holding flowers.

_Oh God. I **love** it when he wears his shirt like that. He looks like he's already started to undress, and it just makes me want to finish the job. _She bit her lip and tried to focus on his greeting and offering of flowers. _Yes. I'm definitely horny. Unqualified affirmative on that one._ Taking the flowers, she brought them to the kitchen to put them in some water, Chris following closely behind her and enquiring about her previous night's adventures.

"I don't really remember that much after my third margarita, actually," Lindsay blushed. "Except…" she bit her lip and stared up at him, "there was this phone call I had."

"Oh yeah?" Chris' face took on a slightly hopeful expression. "What kinda phonecall?" He moved closer to her.

"This hot guy I know wanted to ask me out." She took a step closer to him.

"Really? Should I be jealous?" He smiled down at her as his hands closed on her hips.

"Oh yeah. Definitely. I told him that I'd only go on a date with him if we could stay in all day…" she licked her lips and placed her arms on his shoulders. He lifted her up til she was sitting on the counter. She leaned in, pulling him close to her and whispering in his ear. "…and have _lots_ and _lots_ of **sex**."

"Mmmm. I'm _definitely_ jealous, and we'll be discussing this in detail, later. But for right now, I really have to do something." With that, he leaned down and kissed her.

Lindsay tightened her arms around his shoulders and spread her legs so he could step between them. Wrapping them around his waist, she pressed her breasts into his chest and moaned into his lips. Chris deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue between her lips, and she sucked on it eagerly. He groaned, remembering what else she could suck with such skill.

Her hands tangled in his hair as she pushed her own tongue into his mouth, kissing him just as aggressively as he had kissed her. His hands tugged on the buttons of her sweater, anxious to expose her skin. As soon as it was open, he cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples through her bra. She whimpered in appreciation of his efforts and lowered her arms impatiently to struggle out of her shirt. Throwing it over his shoulder to the floor, she quickly reached behind her and unfastened her bra, discarding it in the same manner.

"Someone's eager," Chris laughed into her mouth, his eyes lighting up in anticipation.

"_Someone_ is going to seriously hurt you if you don't shut up and get back to what you were doing," Lindsay retorted, once more sliding her fingers into his hair and her tongue into his mouth as he resumed playing with her breasts. _God, he has great hands._ She felt his hardness pressing into her as she pulled her legs even tighter around him. _Way too many clothes right now._

She started to work on the buttons of his shirt, but she just couldn't wait to see him naked again. Taking it in her hands, she yanked it open, buttons flying all over the place. Chris paused in his ministrations to look at her in surprise, then down to his suddenly exposed chest. She bit her lip wickedly, "Oops." _I've always wanted to do that._

He grabbed her and kissed her hard again, this time with his hands moving down to cup her ass. They squeezed nice and hard, making her moan, and then he picked her up with her legs still wrapped around his waist and he back away from the counter, trying to find the way to her room while not pausing their activities. He bumped into the doorway twice and knocked over a table in the front hall that they used to put keys and mail on. They laughed, but kept kissing, knocking a picture in the hallway crooked and overturning a plant. Finally, they collapsed on the mattress on the floor.

"Still no bed frame, huh?" he asked, breathlessly.

"Look at it this way… we won't have to stop halfway through and move to the floor," she wiggled down a bit and got to work on his belt buckle while he lay there, watching the hypnotic way that her breasts swayed with every movement.

"Brilliant _and_ hot. The perfect woman."

Finally getting his pants unzipped, she reached in and pulled out his raging erection. "All that, _and_ I swallow. No wonder you like me so much." She gave him one more wicked grin before leaning over to lick the head of his cock, swirling her tongue to gather up the precum that was already oozing from the tip. _You know what they say about country girls._

His hips thrust up at her involuntarily and he clutched at her hair. "Ohhh fuck yeah, Linds. Mmmm… god, you're good at that."

She licked around the head and sucked it into her mouth, briefly, before releasing it with a pop. "I really am. But that's going to have to wait because I really, **really**, need that big, hard cock of yours inside me." She reached down and started tugging at his pants. _Mental note: take the pants off **before**_ _you get him in the bed, next time._

"I'll do mine, you do yours. Faster." Chris couldn't even speak in complete sentences, he was so excited. He pushed his own clothes to the floor in about two seconds, and watched as Lindsay did a slow little striptease for him, taking her time to release the button on her jeans and moving her hips in small circles as she unzipped the fly. She turned her back to him and looked over her shoulder as she pushed then down over her ass. He caught his breath at the sight of her thong. "Wow… that's…" he cut himself off as she bent over at the waist to push them down to her ankles. "… holy shit."

_Men are so easy, sometimes._ She stood back up and turned to him again, her hands on her hips. "Wanna gimme a hand with these?" she asked, gesturing to her tiny panties. He eagerly reached up and grasped each side, gently tugging them down and kissing what was exposed. She held the back of his head to keep him there, and he licked between her lips, tasting her. "Ohhhh god, yeah." She stepped out of her jeans and panties and the movement of her leg allowed him access to her clit. She jumped at the feel of his tongue on her sensitive nub, "Oh! Da..." her breath caught in her throat, "…mn." _Shit, shit shit! What did I almost say? Fuck!_

Lindsay pushed him back down onto the bed and mounted him. _Fuck him and maybe he won't notice. And maybe you'll forget._ She rode him with abandon. He pressed his thumb against her clit and pulled her down so he could suck on her nipples. Soon, she forgot all about her mild slip earlier and only had thoughts of how good it all felt.

"Fuck yeah, Linds. Ride me like that… goddamn you're so tight around me…" Now he was pulling her harder onto him and thrusting up at her faster and faster.

"Oh god, Chris… harder, baby. I'm almost…" her words dissolved into meaningless squeals and whimpers of satisfaction as the tightness in her belly finally exploded in orgasm.

He pushed into her twice more before finally giving in to his own need for release. "Linds… ohhhhh…"

They lay there panting and trying to catch their breath.

"See what I mean about you being good at that?"

He laughed and gave her a swat on the bum. "You're not so bad, yourself."


	2. ETR 46

**Expanding the Relationship: midway between Chapters 46 and 47**

_The story of how Sheldon sustained the injuries described in Chapter 47 of ETR._

Sheldon showed up at Jess' apartment, promptly at 8pm. After his shift, he'd changed into a suit and picked up a bouquet of Gerber daisies (her favourite) and a box of dark chocolate truffles (also her favourite). He was greeted by Lindsay who couldn't help but smile at his high school kid nervousness.

"Hey Hawkes," she grinned. _Isn't he just the sweetest guy on the planet?_ "Let me put those in some water for you." She took the flowers and arranged them in a nice vase, placing them in the centre of the coffee table. "Jess'll be out in a second. She just wants to make an entrance."

A faint "Hey!" could be heard coming from the other room."

"Um. I mean, she's not quite finished getting ready yet." Lindsay shared a smile with her colleague. _He's gonna swallow his frikkin' tongue._ She'd helped Jess find a dress for the occasion, and she was definitely going to need to borrow it, sometime.

Jess appeared in the doorway of her bedroom, striking a pose against the frame. Sheldon really _did_ almost swallow his tongue as he took in his girlfriend's tall, sleek frame in a figure-hugging dress of black satin. The gathers in the bust revealed tantalizing glimpses of cleavage with her every movement. When she walked, he gasped at the slit that was revealed which traveled most of the way up her creamy thigh.

"I … you… dress…" he blinked and swallowed hard. "That's… wow. Dress. Hot. Wow. Good." He tried to stammer out a few more words but lapsed into silence as she slinked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

She took the box from his now-pliable grip. "Thanks for the chocolates, sweetie."

"You… I…" he cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to regain the power of speech. "You're welcome."

Jess turned to Lindsay, "Will you listen to that? He managed a whole sentence, all by himself. I guess this dress isn't as sexy as I thought."

"I think he's back to gibberish again. You just gave him the back view," Lindsay pointed behind her roommate's back to where Sheldon's eyes had almost fallen out of his head as he stared at her ass in the clinging material. He was thanking God in every way he could think of that his girlfriend had bought this dress.

Jess laughed at his expression. "Ooh. I think you're right." She wiggled her hips a bit and watched as he mindlessly followed her movements. "Looks like you shouldn't wait up tonight, hon."

"Yeah, I'd already figured that one out, thanks," Lindsay laughed. _Maybe I'll invite Chris over and he can keep me awake…_

………

They'd managed to make it through dinner, but just barely. Sheldon had been able to converse at a fairly normal level, for most of the meal, but any time Jess leaned over to use the salt or the butter, or just to talk more intimately, he's had to clear his throat and close his eyes lest he be overly distracted by her cleavage. She hadn't thought that that was playing fairly, so she'd slipped off one of her stilettos and slid her foot up his leg.

That's about when he requested the bill.

Jess continued to tease him in the cab on the way back to his place. She nuzzled his neck and draped her leg over his lap, opening the slit in her skirt and tempting him with her bare flesh. He couldn't help but stroke her thigh as she gave his a squeeze, and his pants were distinctly uncomfortable by the time they paid the laughing cabbie and ran up the stairs of his apartment building.

They waited impatiently for the elevator. When it arrived, Jess barely managed to push 28 before he had her pushed up against the wall. She tugged at his tie, loosening it and unbuttoning his shirt as he pulled her hips up against his and wrapped on leg around his waist. She pulled his shirt out of his trousers and unbuckled his belt while he pulled her hair out of the pins she'd used to put it up. They were moaning and gasping for breath, hardly pausing in their kisses to breathe. They only broke apart at the sound of the dinging elevator.

Once inside his apartment, he immediately shed his jacket, tie, and shirt. She grinned at him, crooking a finger to bring him closer, and reached behind her teasingly to lower her zipper. His eyes widened in anticipation and he grinned back at her. She kicked off her shoes as he dropped his belt to the floor, then she tugged her zipper all the way down and turned her back to him.

His suspicions were confirmed. She was braless under that dress. That thought had had him distracted from the moment he'd picked her up. The movements of her breasts and the ease with which her nipples poked through the material had driven him crazy all night, and now he just had to touch them, lick them, suck on them. For hours, if possible.

She pressed her hands against her chest, holding her dress up, and looked over her shoulder at him. He looked like he was going to pounce on her, and she definitely wanted to encourage that. Slowly, she let the dress fall down her arms, and then she gave a little wiggle of her hips, and it ended in a pool around her feet.

Sheldon swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. It wasn't only a bra that was missing. He couldn't believe she'd been completely naked under that dress all night. If he'd known that, they wouldn't have made it out the door of her apartment.

He dropped his pants unceremoniously down around his ankles and kicked off his shoes before toeing off his socks. Once more, she crooked her finger to bring him closer to her and when he got there, she turned and gave him the view from the front. The tent he was sporting in his boxers was more than a testament to what she was offering him.

Jess let her hand drop down to the front of his shorts and gently grip what was inside. They both moaned at the feeling as she pulled him right to her. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him again.

First, she kissed his bottom lip, then the corner of his mouth. She licked his lips and nipped at them for a moment before finally placing her lips directly over his. He deepened the kiss immediately, tangling his hands in her long, red hair and walking backwards, looking for a surface to push her against. Her nails dug into his back as her tongue slid against his, their breath commingling and their sighs filling the room.

Finally, she bumped into something at hip height. She brought one leg up around his waist as he lifted her onto the surface, laying her back so that he could taste the breasts that had been teasing him all night.

His chocolate coloured hand trailed down her cheek and neck to play across her collarbone before finally arriving at her breasts. They rose and fell quickly with her breathing and then froze for a moment as he tweaked her nipple with his thumb and forefinger. It had been hard before, but now it rose up even higher, a mute indication of her desire.

Her hips rose up reflexively as he pinched one nipple and sucked on the other. His free hand wandered down between them, parting her pussy lips and gathering her wetness to rub on her clit. She whimpered his name as he touched that most sensitive place and then moaned it again when he slid two fingers into her.

He wanted to taste her, there, too but the hours of teasing had him on the edge and he couldn't wait for his pleasure. Next time, he'd take care of her first. This time, they'd do it together.

Pushing down his boxers impatiently, he stood between her wide-spread legs and gazed down at the woman beneath him. She was beautiful, she was aroused, and she was his. "Jessica," he said, looking deep into her eyes, "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

She bit her lip and stared back up at him, whispering, "I want you so much, Sheldon."

He pushed forward so that the head of his cock just barely brushed her pussy lips. He had to close his eyes and moan at the sensation. She whimpered and begged him for more. He dragged his cock up and down her wet slit, teasing them both until they couldn't take it, and then doing it some more until they thought they might explode.

At last, he entered her, filling her completely. They let out a mutual moan of satisfaction at the feeling and she wrapped her legs around his hips and dug her nails into his back, wanting him in her as far as he could go. His movements were gentle at first but soon progressed to hard, deep thrusts that were bringing them both, inevitably, to conclusion.

Their moans and gasps got louder and louder as they muttered endearments and words of lust. Neither of them heard the creaking sound beneath them as he moved further over her, covering her completely.

CRACK!

Jess let out a shriek and Sheldon yelped as the table collapsed beneath them. He managed to catch himself from crushing her completely by throwing out his hands to break his fall. His left knee hit the tile floor with force and he swore in pain. Jess hit her head on the table when she landed and said a few words he didn't even know she knew existed.

They lay there, tangled up in each other and the remnants of his kitchen table, trying to catch their breath and assess their injuries. Jess was definitely going to need some ice for the bump growing on the back of her head and Sheldon was already mentally going through his first aid kit in the bathroom looking for gauze.

"I told you it wouldn't be sturdy enough," she laughed.

He shook his head in frustration before falling back to lie on the floor. "Stress-testing. I remember."

Jess raised an eyebrow with an arch look. "Your couch looks pretty safe, though…"

He returned her look and pulled her on top of him for a kiss. The first aid kit could wait.


	3. ETR 50

**Expanding the Relationship: Chapter 50.5**

_Danny works out a bit of his "frustration" after seeing Lindsay in that opera dress. If male masturbatory fantasies aren't your thing, just keep walking. Warning: there is quite harsh language in this one. I figured Danny's not really one to mince words._

Danny decided to forget that Lindsay'd been out to the opera with another man and chose instead to pretend that she'd worn that dress for him. A slow grin spread across his face at that thought and he felt a stirring down in the belt-area. His right hand moved from behind his head to lay on his chest, gently rubbing the fabric of his shirt as he recalled just how the bodice had fallen away from her body when she'd bent over.

_I'd like to have her bent over something, alright. Damn. _

The stirring in his trousers grew more pronounced and he looked at the clock, trying to come to a decision. 4:18am. He'd told Mac he'd be in at nine to interview that other driver, which meant he had to wake up at eight. He sighed and got out of bed to brush his teeth. Three and a half hours of sleep after working for 24 hours straight. Talk about a life of luxury.

He saw his haggard appearance in the mirror and splashed some cool water on his face. _I can't believe I was tryin' to pick up while lookin' like this. I've seen better lookin' guys in the fuckin' morgue._ He blew out a breath in frustration then finished his nighttime hygiene rituals. Returning to his room, he stripped down to his boxers and flopped back down on his bed, his hands resting on his abs.

_That hair… that dress…_His thoughts couldn't seem to stop returning to Lindsay Monroe, dressed for a night out. _I like her better without all the gunk on her face, though. I want Montana, not Miss Monroe. _He was still considering the implications of the fact that he "wanted" her when he noticed that his right hand had wandered downwards and was now idly stroking his half-hard cock through the cotton of his shorts.

_Fuck me. Since when have I wanted to get in the pants of a hick from the sticks? _He flashed back to the image of her in tight jeans and a tight little tshirt, eating pizza on his couch. _God, those were good pants, though._ _And the shirt…_He thought back to that pink sweater with the wide neck and the tight bust. _She has some really really **great** shirts._

His hand was far from idle now as his favourite memory, the one of her in the hot pink bathing suit standing in the middle of the break room beach, popped into his mind. He groaned and thrust his hips up into his hand. _God, I wish it was her cunt and not my hand. _He squeezed his cock a bit more, sliding his precum along the shaft. _I'll just bet she's real fuckin' tight, too. _His hand moved more quickly, lubricated now with the evidence of his desire.

_I wonder if she's a moaner or a screamer? _That thought made him catch his breath. _God **damn**. Montana screamin' my name and cummin' hard around my cock… _His body shuddered as he felt himself get close. _We'd break every piece of furniture in my apartment and then break everythin' in hers._

His mind was filled with images of sex with Lindsay: positions, locations, sounds, smells, feelings. A constant stream of erotically-charged sensations passed through his brain and he couldn't hold back any longer. With a grunt and a gasp, he shot his load all over his chest and stomach until finally the last few salvos dripped down his fist. He panted and tried to catch his breath, surprised by how quickly he'd managed to finish.

He looked at the clock. 4:36. _I haven't been that fast since I was what? 12?_ Looking down at his messy torso and hand, he sighed. _Might as well just shower now and sleep in an extra 20 minutes later, right? _


	4. ETR 56

**Expanding the Relationship – Chapter 56.5**

_This is Lindsay's _"_bizarre homoerotic dream involving Danny, Flack, Frank N Furter/Chris and Marilyn Monroe" which was mentioned at the start of chapter 57. If you thought I could be weird when my characters were awake, you ain't seen psychotic, yet!_

"How now, brown cow," Danny intoned from his seat atop the Washington Monument. Chris floated by him in brown-spotted leather chaps, being ridden by Marilyn Monroe. He mooed.

Marilyn jumped off her perch on Chris' back and her skirt puffed up into a parachute that floated her gently down to the ground. Once safely on her feet again, she approached the monument. The door opened and Flack stepped out.

"Hello, Miss Monroe," he tipped his Bowler hat and twirled his Bobby stick, waddling comically like a penguin as he approached her.

She beckoned him over and grabbed his stick in her fist, stroking it gently with her fingers. Steam poured out of Flack's ears as she pulled him down by his hat's chinstrap and kissed him soundly on the mouth. His hat opened to reveal a train whistle that sounded loud enough to break the clouds overhead and make them shatter down on the ground in white droplets.

Behind them, the Washington Monument changed colour to pinkish-peach and shortened until it was a ridiculously long phallus attached to Danny's groin. Chris twirled over on the arm of Fred Astaire and, during the dip, placed a kiss on the plum shaped head. Astaire dropped him on the spot, leaving the now-black-corset-clad fireman lying at Danny's feet.

Flack had lifted Marilyn's skirt and was now sawing his nightstick back and forth between her legs as she crouched on hands and knees. She barked and panted at Danny and Flack but growled loudly at Chris, pawing a run in his stockings and chewing on one of his stilettos.

Chris crawled away from the angry movie star and wrapped himself protectively around Danny's giant wang. Danny looked down at the fearful man and placed his hands on his hips to laugh. Suddenly, he was dressed as the Jolly Green Giant. Flack was unhappy to note that he'd been shrunken down and turned green to become Sprout and Marilyn was now munching happily on a cob of corn.

A bell chimed off in the distance, and they all stood up to sing a rousing, naked chorus of "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner!" while doing the CanCan. They got through the song three times, and on the final line, "Everyone would be in love with me!" they twirled into a circle and each stroked each other once, finishing in a grand flourish of bukkake.

…

Lindsay slapped her alarm clock to shut it off tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes.

"What in the name of all that's holy was **that**?" she grumbled, rolling out of bed to start her day.


	5. ETR 60

**ETR Chapter 60**

_This is about 5 minutes after chapter 60 ends, so just consider it an extension. Ahhh fanservice. What would the world be like without it?_

Danny just couldn't stop looking over at Lindsay every thirty seconds or so. Every time he did, she was either pursing her lips, or biting them, or sucking on a pen or something. None of it was helping his erection diminish at all.

This time, he looked up just in time to see Lindsay cup her breasts and sort up push them up a bit as she regarded some sort of super bra on whatever website she was currently surfing. She looked down into her cleavage and made a face. Danny looked at her cleavage and bolted from the room.

_This is not good. This is so not good. This is… bad. Yes, bad. _He rounded a corner and ran into Stella. He shoved his hands into his pockets, cursing himself for not grabbing a folder or something to have as cover. "H-hey Stel," he fidgeted, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Where's the fire, Danny?" she asked, smiling.

"Uhh…" he attempted quick thought, but his brain didn't really have much in the way of blood running to it at the moment. _Think! Something! There's gotta be…_ His eyes moved around the hallway and latched onto a doorway. "Bathroom!" he practically shouted, pointing the way, in case Stella had any doubt.

"Oookay." She was sort of taken aback by how very… excited he seemed by the idea. "You, uh, have fun with that. Or something." Giving him one last strange look, she continued on her way down the hallway.

Danny sprinted down the hallway, skidding to a stop outside the men's room. He once more put his hands in his pockets before entering, lest there be anyone at the urinals. The last thing he needed was to be sporting an inappropriate erection in front of an exposed police officer.

He sidled over to a stall and entered, letting out the breath he'd been holding. He also let out his cock which had been extremely uncomfortable in his pants ever since he'd first looked at Lindsay's screen.

He sighed as he sat down on the seat, pants and shorts down around his knees, and grabbed a hold of his erection. Closing his eyes, he once more pictured Lindsay in each of the items he'd seen her looking at, and then imagined her in more… and less.

His thumb slipped over the head of his cock, gathering up his precum and moving it around to lubricate. He grunted as he imagined her hand doing the same thing… and then her mouth. His hips lifted from the seat as he pictured her kneeling there in front of him, wearing that butterfly number that he really wished she'd bought. Smiling up at him with his hard cock held in her soft little hands, and then leaning up and kissing it… He leaned his head back and swore as his hand speeded up. _Fuck, I'd love to see that… _

His breathing sped up as he pictured her looking up and smiling at him and telling him how good his cock tasted right before moving down and taking him all in and sucking him to completion. He was groaning and swearing under his breath, tugging himself harder and faster and fondling his balls while wishing she were licking them for him.

"You alright in there, buddy?" Flack knocked on the door.

_Shit! So fucking close! _Danny grunted an affirmative and tried to push Flack out of his mind.

"You might wanna start eatin' more fibre or somethin'" the detective continued as he stood at the urinal, completely unaware of what his friend was attempting to accomplish behind the stall door. "Cuz that don't sound healthy."

Danny pounded a fist against the wall. _Shut the fuck up, already!_

"Dude, seriously. Get that checked," Flack knocked on the door before wandering out of the bathroom.

_Finally! Now… _Danny sighed as he pictured Lindsay in the babydoll lying on a bed with himself climbing up to her. He kissed along her legs from ankle to hip and tugged gently on the ties at her sides, releasing the tiny panties and revealing her warm, wet pussy to his gaze.

"They were able to get the arrow out of his shoulder, but Sid's still working on uncorking the other victim," Hawkes said to Mac as the two men entered the washroom.

"Good. I want to be able to salvage as many prints as possible from the shaft," Mac replied.

Danny looked down at his own angry and swollen shaft. He stared up at the ceiling in abject desperation. **_C'mon!_** _Help a guy out, here, man!_ He listened as they finished their conversation, then gave it just one more shot. So to speak.

Lindsay, naked and riding him hard, moaning his name and gasping in pleasure. Lindsay, naked and spread for him, welcoming his thrusts and meeting them with passion. Lindsay, on all fours and looking back at him, naughtily.

"Ohhhh fuck yeah," he whispered as he finally managed to reach his peak. The first shot squirted out from his cock just as the door of his stall opened to reveal Adam standing there. Both men stared in horror as Danny's semen landed neatly on the fly of Adam's jeans. The second volley landed on his shoe and the rest met the floor between them and the back of Danny's hand.

"Uhhh…" Danny tried to explain. _Maybe this **isn't** my day, after all._

"Is this because I let you buy me a drink?"


	6. ETR 70

**Author's Note: **Lindsay has now calmed down enough to fully appreciate what just happened… and whom it happened with. Like any girl in her right mind, she's now going to replay it over and over again in her mind and really… enjoy herself. If it ain't your cup of tea, don't drink it.

**ETR 71.5**

Lindsay lay in bed, an empty Ben&Jerry's container on the table next to her head. She'd panicked and drowned her sorrows, and now she was at the point where she was obsessing.

_God, he tastes good. Just like I thought he would. _She blushed, even just admitting to herself that she'd thought about it before. _And those hands…_ Her own hands skimmed over her ribs to her hips. _Big, strong hands that felt so good on my hips. _She bit her lower lip as one hand traveled a bit higher again. _Too bad we had all of those clothes on. _

She got up and listened at her door for a moment. It appeared that Jess and Hawkes had retired to her friend's bedroom because she could no longer hear the TV. Still, she locked her door… just in case. _I really don't need either one of them walking in on me, thanks._

Stripping as she returned to her bed, she reached into her table's drawer and pulled out her vibrator. It had been a gag gift from a friend back in Bozeman to send her on her way and she'd never really used it before, what with having Chris and all. Now, though, things were definitely more… frustrating. She checked to see if there were batteries in it, and it whirred to life, sounding incredibly loud in her quiet room. She looked over at the door again to ensure it was locked, then she lay down.

_Mmmmm replay that kiss but without the jackets in the way. _She thought of the way his hair felt brushing her fingers as her hands wrapped around his neck. The way his hands felt on the small of her back. _God, I wish he'd just reached down and grabbed my ass._ The way his tongue had slipped against hers and made her want to push him up against a wall and… _Nonono. Pull him against the wall. Then I can lean back and put my legs around him and he can have his hands free. _She cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples and gasping slightly. _God, yes, play with my tits Danny._

She mentally redressed herself in a skirt in order to take the fantasy more easily to its next level. One of her hands left her breasts and moved back down over her ribs and stomach before tracing its way up and down her thighs. _I bet his hands feel fantastic right about here. _She arched her back as she pretended it was Danny's hand teasing her and making her want more. She could just picture that arrogant smirk of his as he made her beg for it. _Fuck that for a joke! I'd kiss the smirk right off his face._ She smiled to herself and licked her lips. She tweaked her nipple again, whimpering, and then cupped her pussy with her hand. She was very wet, already.

In her mind, Danny was frantically fingering her as she was pinned to the wall. In her bed, her own hand was doing the honours, and she could feel herself getting closer and closer to orgasm. _Fuck me, Danny! Put it in me!_ She grabbed her vibrator and slid it slowly inside her.

_Hoooooly fucking shit!_ Her eyes opened wide and her mouth opened into a O of pleasure as she filled herself with the vibrating shaft. _Fuck that feels good! _She moved it back and forth a few times, experimentally. _Why have I never used one of these before? Holy shit._ Her hips moved in time with the thrusts of her hand and she resumed her fantasy of fucking Danny against a wall. Her breath was coming in loud moans and gasps now as she repeatedly filled her pussy to the thought of Danny's cock.

"Oh fuck, Danny… yessss" she whispered.

Suddenly her cell rang.

"No! Nonono. Shit." she reached for it. She didn't care who it was. She'd even kill _Mac_ at this point.

"Monroe" she answered, somewhat breathlessly.

"Montana?" she stiffened as she heard the voice of the man she was masturbating about. "Y'alright?"

_I really shouldn't but… fuckit. I really don't want to stop right now._ "Yeah," she gasped as her hand started moving again. "I'm just…" _Wanking? Jerking off? Fucking myself with a vibrating dildo and pretending it's your cock?_ "On the elliptical. You know, exercising." She bit her lip to suppress a moan.

Danny took his phone from his ear and looked at it for a moment. _If that's what she sounds like when she exercises, I really have to start going to the gym with her. _"Gotcha. So, anyway … about tonight?" _Can we do that again as soon as fuckin' possible?_

_You mean that kiss that has me currently on the edge of orgasmic bliss?_ "What about tonight?" She gasped again and whimpered slightly in the back of her throat. _Shit. I hope he didn't hear that. _She held the phone against her ear with her shoulder and let her other hand move down to diddle her clit.

_Did she just… whimper?_ "When I walked you back home?" Danny looked down at the bulge in his trousers and weighed his options. _Fuckit, I can be quiet. _He unzipped slowly so as not to be overheard, then bit off a sigh as he released his cock from his pants. _I haven't jerked it this much over a girl since junior high. _

Lindsay covered the phone with her hand and let out a moan. "You mean when we…?" She didn't finish the sentence because she had to bite her lip to keep from swearing. _Fuck yes! Fuck me like that!_ She sighed and gasped and whimpered again.

_Fuck that's hot!_ Danny pumped his cock a bit faster, moving his thumb back and forth across the head and cupping his balls in his other hand. _I'd pay good money to watch her on that machine, right now._ "Kissed." This time, he let out a slight groan.

Lindsay squeezed her pussy around the fake cock inside her and tried to think of how to finish this conversation before she was completely incapable of coherence while also leaving the avenue open to more kissing. Unfortunately, her current actions were making thinking difficult.

"Was it really weird?" Danny asked, holding his breath but not stopping his hand at all.

Lindsay's breath came in short pants as she tried to hold off until they hung up. _If I come, he'll totally know it, and I'll never live it down. _"Kinda. But that's probably just because we've never done it before. First kisses are usually weird in some way." _Shit, I'm so fucking close!_

_So I'm not a brother? **YES!** _"Oh, so we just need more practice, y'mean?" _If we do it enough times, maybe you'll like it better. Let's pick a nice, round number. How's a bazillion sound to you?_

Lindsay was past the point of really listening to him and was just concentrating on holding off her orgasm for as long as possible. "Right," she sighed.

Danny grinned and squeezed his cock a bit tighter. "Sounds like a plan, Montana." _I wonder if sex'd be weird, too?_

"Okay," she gasped.

"I'll let you get back to your exercisin' then."

"Bye!"

Lindsay tossed the phone aside and thrust her vibrator hard and deep a few more times before arching up and shuddering hard. "Fuuuuuuck yessssss" Her head tossed from side to side and her whole body quaked as the sensations washed over her. She moaned and gasped and swore as her orgasm took her, and finally finished in a sweaty heap on the bed, a few more spasms going through her as she delicately removed the vibrator from her clenching pussy.

_Wow. Definitely doing **that** again sometime soon. _

She glanced over at her phone. _What was that he said about practice?_


	7. ETR 74

**ETR: 74.5**

_Danny and Lindsay's "date" has just ended with him realizing what it was that she was doing when they were on the phone the previous night. _

Danny hailed a cab and took his life into his own hands when, after giving the cabbie his address, he told him to "Step on it!" He was immediately thrown back in his seat by the g-forces caused by the driver doing exactly that: laying his foot down hard on the gas pedal. _Holy shit! I've always wondered what'd happen if I said that._ He opened the window and gulped in air as the dinner that had grossed him out earlier decided to attempt an encore… in reverse.

Ten minutes and several heart attacks later, the cab squealed to a stop outside Danny's apartment building. He tossed a few bills (with a generous tip) to the cabbie and lurched onto the sidewalk and up his front steps. _God, I hope this is worth it. _He quickly shucked off his jacket and shoes and stripped off the rest of his clothes as he made his way to his bedroom. Throwing the bundle into the hamper next to his closet, he took a deep breath and lay down on the bed. _Now or never, buddy. Go for it!_

Taking a deep breath, he picked up his phone and dialed.

Lindsay entered her apartment, grinning like a madwoman after making out with Danny. _A girl could definitely get used to practicing._ She looked around her apartment for her roommate, but it seemed that Jess hadn't returned from her date with Hawkes, yet. Lindsay quickly brushed her teeth and then retired to her bedroom. Cardio was waiting.

She locked her door, just in case Jess came home while she was busy, and had just taken off her sweater and jeans when her phone rang. _Why does the phone always ring just when I'm about to 'have fun'?_ She made a face and picked up the receiver, really hoping it wasn't her mother. She just couldn't talk to her mother when she wasn't dressed. It was like the woman _knew_ that her daughter was naked on the other end of the phone.

"Hello?"

"Montana?"

"Danny?" _Why is he calling? He just left._ "Did you forget something?"

_Man, if you're wrong about this, you're gonna look like such an **asshole**._ "No. I uh…" He ran his fingers through his hair and let out his breath, deciding to go about this tangentially. "I was just wonderin' if you'd started… uh… exercisin' yet." He gulped and held his breath. _Shit. She's totally gonna rip me a new one._

Lindsay's mouth opened in shock. _Oh my god. **Oh my god!** Does he want to… **He wants to…!** I… _Her mouth flapped a few times, still not making any sound. _I really need to say something before he thinks I've hung up._

"…Montana? You still there?" _She hung up on me. I'm such a fucktard._ He groaned and swore under his breath, beating his head back against his pillow.

_Say something!_ "Uhh.. not yet. I was just. Um. Getting changed." Lindsay bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, blushing bright pink. _Am I actually going to do this? Like, consciously **do** this?_

_What?_ Danny stopped beating himself in the head and opened his eyes, sitting up in bed. "Changed?" he squeaked, then cleared his throat. "What uh… what did you change, um, into?" He held his breath, wondering if he was pushing his luck. _Damn, I hope it's that see-through babydoll thing with the panties I could just untie…_

Lindsay took a deep breath and covered her eyes with a hand. _I really wish that I'd had some wine with dinner so that I could blame this whole thing on alcohol._ "I um. I… haven't actually. Y'know. Changed, yet." _Wow. How lame do **I** sound?_

"I could wait…" _Shit, was that out loud?_

"… okay." _God, I can't believe I'm actually doing this. _

_Oh my god! Is she actually gonna **do** this? _"I'll just…" he licked his lips and looked down at his erect penis. "… wait, then." He heard her put the phone down, and then there was some rustling of fabric. He groaned at the thought of her getting naked in her bedroom… the same bedroom he'd been in just that morning.

Lindsay bit her lip as she took off her bra and then wiggled out of her panties. She took several deep breaths and counted to ten in order to try to calm herself down. _You can do this, Lindsay. You did it last night when he had no idea, so will it really be all that different when he knows exactly what you're doing?_ She stared down at the phone and gulped. _Yeah, yeah it will._

Picking up the phone, she made her way over to her bed and lay down, fishing Cardio out from under her pillow. "Alright, I'm… done, now." _He'd better be doing what I think he's doing, or he's going to make my life a living hell tomorrow._

"Okay. That's… good." _Shit, what if she's just settin' me up so she can nail me as a perv?_ "So…"

"So…" _Don't ask me, Messer. I've never done this before._

_This is so much easier to do when you're being obvious about it. _He cleared his throat. "You wanna… exercise?" _Why can't we just call shit what it is, eh?_

_We have such interesting euphemisms for everything. Eesh. _She steeled herself and decided to go for broke. "I've wanted to do nothing else ever since last night." _Please, God, let him not be setting me up, right now._

_Did she just say…? _"Ever since last night?" Danny relaxed back against the pillows and let a smile cross his face. "You mean, when ya kissed me?"

Lindsay grinned. _The smartass can't even keep the cracks to himself when he's trying to get some. _She shook her head and chuckled softly, "When we kissed _each other_, yes."

_Alright, she's got me there. _"So, you been wantin' to … exercise, ever since then, huh?" _Damn, I'm good._

"Oh, not just _wanting_," she smirked at the slightly strangled noise that came to her phone line in response. "I've… exercised quite a few times since then. Especially after this morning, too." _Let's see what he does with **that** little tidbit of information._

_Hah! I **knew** she liked it, this mornin'!_ "Oh yeah? So you liked it this mornin'? Coulda fooled me, what with shovin' me out the window and all." _You're gonna hafta make that up to me somehow, y'know._

"I just didn't want you getting all **cock**y," Lindsay replied in a slightly breathy voice, emphasizing the one syllable she knew would definitely get his attention. _Maybe that'll help him stop beating around the bush and make him start beating around **my** bush._

_Oh man, that is so fuckin' hot. _"What? You don't like cock, Montana?" _You wanna play, we'll play. _

"Oh, I _like_ cock, Messer. You'd be surprised." _I like it so much, I've even got a fake one right here in my hand. _Lindsay gripped her vibrator in one hand and the phone in the other as she started to move her toy slowly back and forth between the lips of her pussy.

Danny gulped and took his own cock in hand at that point. _I'll just fuckin' **bet** she likes it, alright. She broke her fuckin' apartment the last time she had one around._ "I would, eh?" He stroked his shaft slowly, wanting to last as long as possible. "Feel free to shock away, Monroe."

Lindsay grinned and laughed softly. _Even sex has to be a competition with this guy._ "Oh, I dunno… I'd hate to have such revelations be wasted on you. How do I know you'd be interested?" She reached up and tweaked her nipples, causing her back to arch as she bit her lip to stop her moan.

_So she wants me to go first, eh? Alright, Montana, you win this round._ Danny licked his lips and stroked himself again. "I'm interested, Montana. I'm _all kinds_ of interested… and I'm doin' somethin' about it, too." He let a small moan escape into the phone and grinned at her tiny gasp in return.

"Mmm, really?" Lindsay closed her eyes and imagined Danny lying naked on his bed doing the same thing she was doing on hers. _**Why** did I not invite him up, again?_ "Tell me more," she smiled and rubbed Cardio gently against her clit, prompting a whimper and another gasp.

_Holy shit she makes great sounds._ "I'm lyin' in bed…"

"Are you naked?" _Wow. I can't believe I actually asked that._

Danny's eyebrows rose in surprise. _Well, well, well. Little Montana sure is eager, isn't she?_ His smile covered his whole face, "Completely."

_Now **there's** a mental image a girl can enjoy. _Lindsay moaned nice and loudly for him as she dipped her vibrator just inside her pussy and withdrew it again. "Good," she gasped. "Me too."

_Whoa. Naked? _"You are?" Danny licked his lips again and had to concentrate to slow his hand down again. _Fuck do I wish she'd let me go upstairs with her._

"I am," she breathed, panting slightly.

"Are you… exercisin' now?" he held his breath.

_Oh, just come right out and say it for fuck's sake!_ "No, I'm fucking myself with a vibrator." She shoved it in completely and shrieked slightly as the sensation as her body arched and shuddered.

_Holy fuckin' shit, goddamn!_ Danny's grip tightened on his cock and there was no way he could make himself slow down, now. He cradled the phone against his shoulder and cupped his balls in his other hand. His eyes closed as he pictured Lindsay lying naked on her bed doing exactly the same thing that he was doing on his. "Ohhh fuck, Linds, I wish I was fuckin' you, instead."

"Mmm me, too," she groaned, moving the fake dick back and forth inside her and squeezing tight around it. _If he fucks half as well as he kisses, I'd be coming from dusk until dawn. _"I wanna know what you feel like inside of me, Danny." She pushed her hips up to meet her hand, cradling the phone in her shoulder so that she could play with her nipples once more.

_God, I love the way she says my name._ "You wanna feel my cock in you?" he panted, jerking his cock at a furious pace and groaning at the sensations.

"Fuck, yes!" her mouth opened into a wide O of pleasure and her eyes rolled back into her head as she hit the perfect spot inside her pussy.

"You want me to fuck you while I play with those gorgeous tits of yours?" he growled, imagining her naked breasts and all of the things he wanted to do with them. He could feel himself right on the edge of coming.

"Oh God, Danny, fuck me please!" Lindsay screamed into the phone as her orgasm washed over her. Her head tossed from side to side as she panted and whimpered and moaned into the receiver. Her hips had a mind of their own as they fucked hard against the vibrator in her hand and her pussy clenched spasmodically around the invader.

"Oh, shit, I'm gonna…" he let out a long, loud groan of satisfaction as his cock let loose the first spurt of cum. "Fuck, Lindssss…" he gasped and panted as the next few shots emerged, breathing heavily as his orgasm abated and he was left with a sticky mess and a half-hard cock in his lap.

There was relative silence on both ends of the phone line as they tried to catch their breath after their release.

_Wow._ "That was…"

"I swear to God, Montana, if you say weird…" _I'm gonna wait til I can use my legs again, and then I'm gonna go over there and show you how not-weird it is, in person._

Lindsay laughed, "I was going to say 'fantastic.'" _But if I **did** say weird, would we end up practicing?_

"Oh, well that's alright, then." _Yeah, I knew I was good._ "I guess there are some firsts we're good at, after all." His satisfied smile made it all the way through the phone line.

_Understatement of the year._ "I'd have to agree with you, there."

"So, want me to come over?" _You begged me so nice to fuck ya, I can hardly say no._

_Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!_ "Nope. I'm good." _Good girl. Keep the upper hand._

"… you're **good**?" _You've gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me!_

"Actually, I'm fantastic… but I think you knew that," she grinned.

"You're killin' me here." _Literally._

_Exactly._ "And that's why you like me so much. G'night, Messer."

_Well, she's got me there._ "G'night, Montana. But don't think we're done with this."

"We'd better not be." _Hmmm… I wonder if good old Cardio is up for round two?_


	8. ETR 76

**Author's Note: **This is chapter 76 of ETR, in its entirety, with the naughty bits included where I left them out of the main story.

Feel free to skip to the good part :P (so labeled)

**Chapter Seventy-Six: Where are They Now?**

Jess was still marveling as they entered the taxi and Sheldon told the driver where to take them. She kept staring at her boyfriend in awe and wondering what could possibly happen next. She was fully realizing that telling a man like Sheldon Hawkes that you've never really been romanced by a boyfriend before is just _begging _ to be swept of your feet.

… all the way to France.

He'd picked her up at eight, just like he'd promised Saturday morning. What he hadn't included in his date description was the fact that she'd need a suitcase and a passport. Luckily, she had both. He packed her things for her while she watched him and blinked, not quite processing the fact that he'd managed to arrange for a few days off for himself so that he could take her to Provence to celebrate the end of her exams.

And she'd thought that dinner at a French _restaurant_ was a nice celebration. Well, when he went French, _il est vraiment allé en Français._

Her eyes widened as they drove up an elegant, hedge-lined lane to an elegant, blue-shuttered white manor house set back from the road.

"_Le Pigonnet, Monsieur et Madam. C'est de vingt trois Euros, s'il vous plait,_" the cab-driver said to Sheldon.

"_Merci beaucoup,_" he replied, handing over the money. Jess just shook her head. Shel was a constant surprise to her, and the fact that he seemed perfectly capable of speaking French was just the latest shock to her system.

A man in a black vest and trousers and a starched white shirt took their bags and led them to checkin to their room. After a whirlwind of impressions of rich upholstery, gilt-framed artwork, chandeliers, and highly polished surfaces, they were shown to their room which overlooked the gardens. Their porter left with a generous tip in his pocket and wished them a pleasant stay in heavily-accented English.

"So, what do you think?" Hawkes asked, grinning like a kid in a candy store.

Jess laughed helplessly and threw her arms around his neck. "I think that if I didn't love you before, I most definitely do now."

And then she kissed him.

GOOD PART

Throwing her arms around his neck, she pulled him down for a long, deep kiss in which she tried to get across how completely overwhelmed and grateful she was for his thoughtfulness and sense of romance.

Their eyes closed and their lips met and Sheldon's hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her to him. A small sigh escaped Jess as she opened her mouth to let her tongue peek out and meet his. It was Shel's turn to moan when she gently bit his lower lip and ran the nails of one hand down his back until she grabbed his ass.

"Someone's frisky," he grinned at her in mild surprise.

"What? You thought that a seven hour flight across the Atlantic would magically make me un-horny?" Jess laughed at his foolishness. "Silly mortal!" Her eyes lit up as she tugged his tight-fitting sweater out of his jeans and pulled him back towards the bed.

"Ooh… I love it when you smite me," he laughed back. "Since I've been smitten with you ever since I met you at Lindsay's party." He quickly lifted her up with his hands still on her waist and tossed her gently onto the bed. "How can this mortal serve his goddess?" he mumbled as he leaned over and nuzzled her neck, his hands wandering up her ribs to cup her breasts.

Jess moaned as his thumbs brushed back and forth across her nipples. "Have I told you before how much I love it when you go from dirty to incredibly romantic and back to dirty again?" Much as she didn't want him to stop what he was doing, she wanted him out of his shirt even more. After a few more tugs and some grunting on his part, she was able to toss it over his shoulder onto the floor. "Much better." She grinned up at him triumphantly before pulling him down for another breathtaking kiss.

Sheldon undid her belt and the fly of her jeans while their tongues tangled. Breaking the kiss, he watched her lip her hips to help him take them off of her. "You've mentioned it once or twice before, yes," he replied as he removed her panties while he was at it. "Which is why I do it as often as possible."

Jess sat up on the bed to take her own shirt off and followed it up by removing her bra. "I've got you well-trained," she smiled devilishly. "Now I just need to get you to disrobe faster, and you'll be perfect."

"Alright, alright. I can take a hint," he chuckled, quickly shucking off his trousers and shorts. "Is that better?"

"Nice form, but a little rough on the landing," Jess commented as she watched him try to shake his feet loose of his pants. "You may have to settle for the bronze."

"Gimme a sec. You've got to give me a chance to bribe the Russian judge!" he pleaded, defensively. Pushing her back down on the bed again, he knelt between her legs where they were draped over the end of the bed. "I just know that I can get the silver… maybe even the gold!"

Jess' laughter gradually faded out and was replaced by moans as Hawkes placed her legs gently on his shoulders and kissed her inner thighs. Her breath caught as his hands wandered over her hips, up her stomach, and finally rested on her breasts again at the same time that his mouth made its tortuously slow way up towards her sex. He cupped her breasts as he kissed the outer lips of her pussy, and then pinched both her nipples at the same time that his tongue pierced through and swirled around her clit. He smiled into her at the sound of her shriek.

"Let me…" she panted, moving his hands from her breasts. "Use your hands on me."

He knew exactly what she wanted and used his thumbs to part her lips and give him better access to her pussy. He licked the length of her a few times, skirting the edges of her clit until she moaned in frustration. Her hips moved in time with his tongue, wanting him to put it inside of her.

"Please," she gasped.

"Please what?" he chuckled, licking her deliberately again.

"Pleeeease," she moaned.

"Mmm, does my good little girl want me to make her feel good?" he whispered a bare millimeter from her hard little button. The feeling of his warm breath on her made her whimper with need.

"Oh, god yes Shel. Please make me cum!" Her fingers scrabbled around and finally gripped the back of his head and pulled him firmly down between her legs. He mumbled something in response, but she couldn't hear him and wouldn't have paid attention in any case. He slid two fingers inside her and fucked them in and out as his lips latched onto her clit and sucked it while his tongue flickered back and forth across it. Her eyes rolled back in her head, her hips moved wildly, and her legs locked around his ears. Her moans and pants escalated to screams of pleasure, and Hawkes drank down the juices of her orgasm.

He licked gently for a little longer after her legs finally loosened from around his head and fell slackly onto his shoulders. Kissing his way up her stomach and over her breasts, he was confronted with an unconscious girlfriend. He chuckled and shook his head, then pulled her up the bed until her head rested on the pillows. Curling up with her, he waited for her to wake up again.

………

"So, when you said you had reservations at Aix Brasserie…" Jess poked him in the ribs a while later.

Sheldon laughed and trailed a finger from her forehead, down her nose, and off her chin. "I never once said I meant the one in New York," he replied reasonably.

"Right. From now on, I'm going to require a mapped out location for our dates. What would you have done if I didn't have a passport?"

"I knew for a fact that you had one because you told me about going to Argentina last year for Carnivale."

"And if I couldn't find it?"

He gave her a long, skeptical look. "Jess. Sweetie. Honey." She raised an eyebrow at him as if to ask him what his point was. "I love you, but you're one of the most overly-organized people on the planet. If you can't find something, it's because it doesn't exist."

She opened her mouth to protest and then just had to laugh. "Alright, you might possibly have a point there. Maybe." Leaning up, she gave him a quick peck on the lips. "It's a good thing you're cute, or the fact that you know me so well would probably freak me out."

………

"Your amazingly wonderful, incredibly handsome and sexy, unbelievably thoughtful boyfriend whisks you away for a romantic vacation on the Riviera… and you check your phone messages while he's in the bathroom?" Sheldon asked as he looked over his girlfriend's shoulder. "Should I be worried?"

"Shh!" Jess hushed him, holding up a finger and frowning into the phone. She bit her lip and listened for another minute before turning it off. "Oh, what the hell has she done _now_?" she asked, rhetorically.

"Problem?" Shel asked, genuinely concerned.

Jess sighed and sat him down. "Remember how the kitchen was on fire the other night?"

………

"… and now, she's hyperventilating about some sort of crisis that happened last night, so either they finally gave in and did the horizontal mambo already, or she's about five seconds from doing just that and she needs me to help her justify having an orgasm," Jess concluded.

"Wow," Sheldon managed. "That's…"

"I know!"

"_About fucking **time!**_" he finally burst out.

Jess stared at him for a moment, not at all used to hearing him swear. Then they looked at each other and collapsed in laughter.

"I think I'd better find an internet café and send her an email telling her where I am and why I can't really help much right now. I should also beg her to forgive you for dragging her best friend away from her at a time when every woman really _needs_ her best friend the most." Jess pondered for a moment. "Actually, _you_should probably beg _me_ to forgive _you_ for dragging me away from her when she and Danny are _finally_ getting together. I've been waiting for this for months! **Months**!" She playfully slapped him on his solidly-muscled arms and chest a few times.

He laughed and pretended to be hurt while sliding a hand into his pocket. "Well, I was going to save this for a more romantic moment, but I guess I'll just have to use it to save my skin, instead."

Looking at her with a hopeful yet shy smile, Sheldon slid down onto one knee on the carpet in front of her. Jess' eyes opened wide and her breath caught in her throat as she realized the real reason for their trans-continental flight. Her right hand fluttered up and covered her mouth as she felt it drop open in shock.

"Jessica Erin McKinney," he said as he held up the small black velvet box. "Please forgive me for selfishly taking you away from your friend in her time of need. I just wanted to take you to a place as beautiful and unforgettable as you are to me so that I could kneel before you, a humble and hopeful man, and tell you how much I love you and want to be with you always." He opened the box to reveal a silver band with an opal surrounded by sapphires, her favourite stones. "Will you do me the honour of letting me tell you that every day, for the rest of my life?"

"Oh, Sheldon," Jess gasped and dropped to her own knees to embrace him in a kiss that took his breath away.

When they finally came up for air, he grinned at her. "So, I'm gonna take that as a yes, if that's alright with you?"

She grinned back and swatted him one more time. "Shut up and give me the ring, lover boy."


	9. ETR 79

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay in posting. My internet was fubar'd for 3 days. Gah. Anyway, there's another naughty bit coming, but I'm doing them chronologically. Also, if I _do_ write about them "all night" then it might take a while for me to post. After that, I'll get another ETR chapter up. I've got ideas, folks. Ideas I think you'll like. :D

Oh, and because of my lack of internet, I haven't seen episode 3 yet, so PLEASE no spoilers. Thanks!

**ETR: Ch. 79 (the other side of the phone conversation)**

"Okay, so we've called my folks, your folks, my sister, your brothers and sister… I guess we can start in on the friends, now." Jess took a deep breath and then smiled at her new fiancé. "Not that I don't love you and want to marry you or anything honey," she said, kissing him on the cheek, "but I'll be really, _really_ glad when we can stop _telling_ people that I love you and want to marry you."

Sheldon laughed, "Personally, I'd yell it from the rooftops, except that I think it'd get us kicked out of the hotel." He hugged her tight and pulled her to him, kissing her soundly.

"Aww. You'll just have to wait til we get back to New York and it'll just get you sworn at by your neighbours."

"Sounds like a good plan," he smacked her bottom lightly. "Now hurry up and finish these phone calls so that we can get back to the celebratory sex!"

"Yessir!" she mock-saluted, dialing Lindsay's phone number.

"Mmmm… I kinda like the sound of that," he murmured, nuzzling her neck. Then he gave her bottom another swat.

"Oof!" Jess glared at her boyfriend, but was unable to keep from grinning.

"_Uh, hello_?" Lindsay answered, sounding rather unsure of herself.

"Sheldon! Stop it!" Jess said, not at all convincingly. "_Lindsay_? Honey is that you?"

"_Jess?_"

"I have to be quick because I'm calling from France and I don't know how much longer I have on this phone card!" She struggled uselessly to wiggle her bum out of Hawkes' grip. He just smiled and squeezed that much harder, moving his kisses down her collarbone.

"I _know! I heard! Congratulations!"_

"You **know**?"

"_Hawkes told Mac who told Flack who told me_."

"I honestly don't know how you people get any work done around there_."_ She bit her lip to keep back a moan as Sheldon nibbled a particularly sensitive area of skin. Giving him another 'cut it out!' look, she tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand.

"_We multitask. So, when are you two crazy kids coming back to this side of the pond?"_

"Day after tomorrow. Can you survive without me until then? What's happening on the D-front?" Jess was definitely curious after that vague emergency SMS from the other day.

"_It'd take too long to explain over the phone_."

"That well, huh?" She rolled her eyes, and not because of what Sheldon was currently doing to her breasts.

"_Pretty much._"

"Well, at least one of us is in a relationship that doesn't suck" She grinned again and looked in awe at the ring adorning her left hand. It was almost too much to believe.

"_Thanks,_" Lindsay replied, her own eye-roll completely audible over the phone"_Let me talk to Hawkes so I can congratulate him, too!"_

Jess pulled her fiancé's head up by one ear and he held the phone against his chest for a moment to kiss her before answering. "Lindsay? Hi!"

"_Hey Sheldon!"_

"_So_, are you mad at me for taking your roomie away from you?"

"_As long as you let me keep her until I find a replacement, I don't mind too much,"_ Lindsay laughed._ "I'm just glad that you're making an honest woman of her and not making her raise the kid on her own."_

"What did you_…"_ The phone cut off suddenly, and Sheldon realized the phone card had run out.

Hawkes stared at the phone in consternation, unable to hang up.

"Shel? Honey? You okay?" Jess asked in concern, taking the receiver from his grip and replacing it in the cradle.

He broke into a sudden grin, "I'm fantastic!" He lay back down in bed and grabbed her, pulling her on top of him and kissing her soundly. Releasing her, he placed one hand possessively over her stomach. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jess laughed at his enthusiasm. "Tell you what?" she asked, confused.

Hawkes nuzzled her neck and played with her hair. "About the baby."

Jess froze mid-sigh and stiffened. "Baby?"

"Mmhmm." He seemed not to notice and continued to nuzzle his way down to her collarbone, now cupping her breasts in his hands. He couldn't believe that the woman he loved and was going to marry was already pregnant with his child. "Lindsay just told me. Why didn't you say anything about being pregnant before?"

Jess blinked and wondered why her roommate would tell her boyfriend that she was pregnant when she really wasn't. "Because I'm not?" she asked.

"Then why did Lindsay…?"

She shook her head in resignation. "Let's not think about that, now. We can straighten it all out when we get back to New York." She grinned down at him and wiggled her hips against his. "Now, I think you were doing some wonderful things in this general area," she suggested, pointing back to her neck.

Hawkes broke into a wide grin in return, "I do believe you're right." Rolling them over so that he was on top, he pulled her nightgown strap aside and returned to his slow exploration of her chest, kissing and nibbling and licking every millimeter of flesh as he slowly pulled the silk material off of her body.

"This? Right here?" Jess moaned, dragging her nails down his back as he moved down to kiss her stomach. "This is why I said yes,' she laughed as he gave her a zerbert right over her bellybutton, the loud raspberry telling her exactly what he thought of _that_.

"Well, future Mrs. Sheldon Hawkes, I think you should show me your appreciation of all that I do for you," he looked at her with such an innocent, expectant look that she just had to hit him in the face with her pillow. He fell back in bed, laughing, and she pounced on top of him.

"You think so, do you?" she raised a brow. "Well, aren't you lucky that I just so happen to _want_ to show you my appreciation of all that you do for me?" Licking her lips, Jess pulled down his boxers and kissed his erection as it popped out.

Sheldon breathed in quickly, "I really _really_ am!"

Jess stroked him lightly in one hand, resting her head on the other as she looked up at him, casually, as if she were eating Sunday brunch rather than stroking his hard, swollen cock. "I'm glad that you realize that." Leaning down, she licked all around the head and then took it into her mouth, sucking lightly and watching as he moaned and closed his eyes at the sensation.

Hawkes struggled mightily and eventually opened his eyes, staring down his body at the beautiful woman who was making him feel so good. He reached down a hand and gently moved her hair out of her face and bit his lip as she took him in even further. Their eyes met and he moaned her name. "Ohhh god, Jesssss…" His hand tightened in her hair and his eyes squeezed shut again, despite his efforts to keep watching her.

Jess reveled in the reaction she was getting from him as she rhythmically moved her mouth along his shaft. Wiggling her tongue along the vein underneath brought a strangled groan. Cupping his balls in her nimble fingers earned a whispered curse of pleasure. Moving down as far as possible and swallowing caused his hips to move reflexively up and try to force more of him inside her warm wetness.

"Ohhh! Oh God!" Hawkes gasped as she sped up her movements. His eyes popped open and he stared down at her to watch as she lovingly cared for his cock. "Jess! Oh God, I'm gonna…!" He tried to hold off, he really did, but the way she was sucking him and stroking him and looking up at him… he didn't stand a chance.

Instead of backing off, Jess redoubled her efforts, determined to show him just how much she loved both him and what she was doing to him. Finally, she felt him swell between her lips, and then his hips fucked up into her once, twice, three times, and she listened to his empassioned moans as his cock twitched and delivered its load into her waiting mouth.

Moving up his body, Jess gave Sheldon a sweet kiss on the cheek and wiped some sweat from his brow. He stared up at her in awe, "Did you just…?"

"Swallow?" she smiled down at him. "Yup." She kissed him again, this time on the lips. If she was going to swallow him, the least he could do was kiss her afterwards. He didn't even hesitate to do so. "And I only do that for men I'm going to marry."

Smiling as he panted for breath, Hawkes kissed her one more time. "In that case, I'm _really_ glad I asked."

Reaching back and grabbing something, Jess pulled her arm around in a quick arc. She smacked him in the face with a pillow, again.


	10. ETR 82

**ETR: Chapter 82: What you've all been waiting for!**

"If you're not too busy tonight, I was wondering if you might want to stay over."

He laughed deep in his throat, almost unable to think at that point. "Oh, I'm busy tonight, alright. Busy doin' somethin' I been wantin' to do for months now." Pushing her down on the couch beside him, he lay on top of her and kissed her deeply. "And believe me, it's definitely gonna take all night." _In fact, I think I'm gonna call Mac and cash in on my holiday time._

_Mmmm. Good decision, Lindsay. Very, very good decision._ Wrapping her arms around him, Lindsay spread her legs to allow him to settle between them. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Messer," she grinned, tangling her fingers in his hair and taking his breath away with another kiss. _I'll sleep when I'm dead._

"You can hold me to anythin' you want, Montana," he panted against her lips. _Where the hell did she learn how to kiss like this, anyway? _

_God, he's a good kisser. _"How about this?" she asked, pushing him down to her chest and arching her back.

"Mmm definitely!" he mumbled into the fabric of her dress as he took her hard nipple between his teeth and gently pulled. Reaching around behind her, he slowly pulled the zipper of her dress down her back. His other hand moved up the inside of her thigh, passing from stocking to bare skin.

Lindsay whimpered and spread her legs wider to allow him access. Sitting up slightly, she helped him pull her top down and bare her breasts. Blushing, she covered them with her arms for a moment. _Cindy was what? A DD? How can he like **me**…?_

"Let me look at you, Montana," he whispered, brushing her hair out of her eyes. _Don't get shy on me, now. _ "I want to see you." Taking her arms gently in both his hands, he pulled them apart, still looking at her with those deep blue eyes of his. _You're more than a pair of tits, Montana. _ "You're beautiful." He lifted himself up again and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

_He almost makes me believe it, too._ Lindsay wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth and making him moan and thrust against her. Her legs moved around behind his back without her consciously thinking about it. His hands captured her breasts again, and now it was so much better because there was nothing between them to dull the feeling.

Breaking the kiss, Lindsay gave him a sly grin and pulled his tie loose. "Danny?" she asked as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Uhh…?" he groaned, trying to think straight as her nails dragged their way down his chest and just past his bellybutton. _Keep goin', sweetie. Just... keep… goin'._

_Ooh. Definitely do that again, later. _"I think that's enough foreplay for now…" Holding tight onto him, she rolled them off of the couch and onto the floor, straddling his hips and sitting up to stare down at him as her dress pooled around her waist. "Don't you?" Tossing her hair out of her face, she pushed his shirt wide open and started to work on his belt. _Very, **very** nice chest. Wow. Coming back to that later, too._

_God, she looks good up there._ "Muh…?" he asked, grabbing her ass under her dress and once more enjoying the feel of her bare skin in his hands.

"It's good that you're cute," she laughed. "Because you're definitely not all that eloquent." Finally removing his belt, Lindsay fished into the fly of his pants and pulled out his cock. _Holy… seven and a half? He's seriously under-representing things._

Danny's entire mind went blank as her hand closed around him. He stopped breathing, his heart skipped a beat, and it's entirely possible that all of his upper functions ceased for a brief moment. Then it all rushed back. _This is really happening this time. _

_Thank god for Girl Guides_. Lindsay reached into a decorative box on the coffee table and grabbed a condom. _Always be prepared._ There were more hidden in the kitchen, bathroom, and a potted plant in the hallway. She paused as she tried to open the package because Danny's hands had moved from her ass and one was now playing with her breasts again as the other dove between her thighs and stroked her pussy and clit, distracting her.

"You like that, Linds?" Danny asked with a grin as he watched her body shudder and her head roll back. _I ain't gonna be the only one who can't think._ Keeping his thumb against her clit, his other hand wrapped itself into her hair and pulled her down so he could suck on her hard little nipples.

She nodded and whimpered in response. _This is so much better than my imagination. Poor Cardio._ Panting in an attempt to catch her breath, she pushed herself back up again, regretfully removing her breasts from his talented mouth. _You can go right back there again after you get the condom on him. _She bit her lip as she looked down at the sexily grinning detective under her. _Just hurry up._

Danny watched as she struggled with the condom package and rose up on her knees. "I appreciate how bad you want this, honey, I really do…" he laughed. _Trust me on that one._ "But can I take my pants off, first?" _I'm not really picky about it, but it'd be more convenient later… and I wouldn't need to have an embarrassing conversation with my drycleaner._

"Sure, if you can get them off in five seconds or less," she replied as the package finally tore. _These things must prevent STD's and pregnancy because no one can **open** them before the erection dies._

Danny lifted his hips and quickly shucked both pants and boxers, toeing off his socks at the same time. "Done and done!" _Next time, I open the condom._ Taking it from her, he rolled the condom down his erection and then looked up at her. "You ready for this, Monroe?" _If you say no, I'm gonna take my gun and shoot myself. _

_What would you do if I said no?_ "Are you, Messer?" she smiled down at him.

"One way to find out, right?"

"Best way to confirm a theory is to test it, right?"

Taking one last nervous breath, Lindsay grabbed him in one hand and slowly slid down. _Ohhh. Myyyy. Godddd._ Her eyes closed as they rolled back into her skull and her pussy squeezed reflexively around him.

Danny grit his teeth as he entered her. _Hoooooly shiiiiit._ His hands reached up and grabbed her hips as she bottomed out, and then they both opened their eyes and looked at each other.

"Definitely ready."

"Yeah, me too."

Her hips started to move in slow circles, grinding against his and he pulled her down to suckle her breasts again. Her nails tried to find purchase on the wood floor as his dug into her ass and back, moved over her hips and thighs, slid up her ribs and across her chest into her hair.

Suddenly, Danny sat up, holding her tight to keep them joined. Her eyes opened wide as she was suddenly sitting naked on his lap in the middle of her living room floor. Her knees were still on the floor and her hips kept fucking against him as he grinned that devilish grin at her and started sucking and nibbling her neck.

_Ohhh wow. I've never even **heard** of this position…_Her head rolled back again to allow him better access and he growled as he kissed and licked everywhere before tilting her head back toward him to kiss her again.

"You like that, honey?"_ You ain't seen nothin' yet. _Reaching between their bodies, Danny's thumb once more found her clit and started rubbing it in circles. He sucked on her tongue as she made little whimpers and moans that were almost enough to make him come. Their breaths started to catch in their throats as they both got close. _C'mon, Montana. Do it for me._ "You ready to come for me, Lindsay?"

"So… close…" she panted, biting her lip and trying to open her eyes to look into his. "Call me…" she moaned again as he thrust into her harder and deeper.

"Call you what, Linds?" he groaned, unable to hold on much longer.

"Mmmm… Monta…" she gasped and shuddered, unable to finish. _Please, please, please._

"Mmmmontanaaaa!" he shouted as his cock twitched and spurted inside her, his hands pulling on her hair.

"Daaaannyyyyy!" she shrieked as she squeezed around him and shuddered, digging her nails into his back.

They collapsed in a sweaty heap on the floor, Lindsay sprawled over his chest. Danny carefully held onto the condom as he slipped out of her. They lay, panting, for a moment as they tried to come to grips with the fact that they had finally, _finally_, done what they knew half the lab had been suspecting recently.

Lindsay leaned up on one elbow, "So, all night, you said?" she smiled down at him.

"Nice try," he grinned back. "But I ain't gonna be distracted from that Montana thing."

"Are you **sure**?" she asked, scratching her nails down his chest. Raising an eyebrow, she watched him shiver.

"That don't mean I won't let you **try**, though."


	11. ETR 94

**Author's Note:** I can't believe I've gone 12 whole chapters without a Naughty Bit. Eesh. I must be coming down with something. Let's get this thing back in business, shall we:D

**ETR: Chapter 94**

Danny's face broke into a wide grin as he stood up and lifted her off of the couch and into his arms. "Now we've got that settled, how about a booty call?"

Lindsay sniffed slightly and laughed in his face, loving the way he looked when he smiled almost as much as she loved feeling his arms around her. "I thought you'd never ask." Her laughter changed to a squeak of mild alarm as Danny reached down and caught her behind her knees, lifting her up into his embrace with a wicked grin on his face. _Holy shit! _"Why, Mr. Messer…" she said demurely, her eyes widening in surprised arousal. _When he sweeps a girl off her feet, he **really** sweeps a girl off her feet!_

_You like that, eh, Montana?_ "Yes, Ms. Monroe?" His cocky smile ratcheted up a notch as her arms went around his neck and she smiled back at him. "There somethin' you wanted?" _Damn, I love it when she does that._

Lindsay licked her lips slowly, staring at Danny's. _That's putting it mildly…_ "Now that you mention it, actually…"

Danny leaned forward and caught her bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before sliding his own tongue over her full, pink mouth and then kissing her deeply. Her arms tightened around his neck and a sexy little whimper escaped her throat, tempting him to put her back down on the couch and take her right there. _Just calm down, there, Messer. Y'already had Hawkes see ya naked, ya don't need him to see ya fuckin', too!_ "Was that what you had in mind?" he asked, breaking the kiss and moving his lips down to nuzzle her neck.

Lindsay tangled her fingers in Danny's hair as her eyes rolled back in her head. _Holy **crap** he's good at this! _She shivered as his teeth gently scraped her skin. _How do I always forget how good he is at this?_ "Not… exactly…" she panted into his ear, digging her nails into his shoulders. She had to bite her lip to suppress her chuckle as he instantly surfaced, a look of supreme consternation marring his gorgeous features.

_Not exactly? The fuck's **that** supposed to mean?_ He wanted to glare at her, but the sight of her shaking with suppressed mirth made him change tactics. "Oh really?" He asked, going back to nuzzling her neck. _Let's see how long she lasts when I'm doin' **this**. _"And what, prayell, **did** you have in mind, Ms. Monroe?"

She shivered again as he whispered his question in her ear. Now she was biting her lip with repressed desire rather than amusement. "Ahh… actually," she cleared her throat, willing her voice not to shake. _C'mon, Monroe. If he can tell you what he just told you, then you can tell him this. _"Actually," she tugged on his hair to pull his face up so she could look him in the eye, "what I had in mind was you taking me to my room, throwing me down on the bed, and fucking me 'til I can't walk."

Danny's eyes opened wide. He blinked. His jaw unhinged slightly. Then, he turned 180 degrees and practically sprinted down the short hallway and into her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him and dropping her so quickly onto the bed that she bounced. Turning back around, he quickly locked the door and was back at the bed before Lindsay had come to a complete stop. She lay there, laughing up at him and his sudden springing to action, but her laughter trailed off as she looked up at his feral expression. _You're **mine**, Montana. And I'm gonna eat you for dinner._ He slowly peeled off his shirt and undershirt, revealing his strong chest, and proceeded just as slowly with his belt, never taking his eyes off of hers.

_Ohhhh wow. _Lindsay gulped, her amusement forgotten as Danny's body came into view. _Take it all in, girl. This is one of those memories you play back every day for the rest of your life. _Her heartrate quickened as Danny unzipped his jeans, and she squeezed her thighs together reflexively as he pushed them over his hips and revealed an enticing bulge in his boxer briefs. Now it was his turn to laugh as her own expression turned hungry. _God, I love his chest. And his arms. And his **abs**. And those muscles on his hips that lead right down to his… _

Danny looked down, following her line of sight. _Ohhh fuck, she's lookin' right at my cock. _The appendage in question twitched at the attention, lengthening even more in his underwear and starting to leak. _That's so fuckin' hot!_ "See somethin' ya like?"

_Like? He's kidding me, right? _"Understatement of the century."

_Ohh yeah. Who da man?_ "That right?" His grin was back in place and bigger than ever.

"Possibly the millennium." _God, I want him to take those damned shorts off!_ Suddenly, the idea occurred to her that there was an excellent way for her to accomplish just that goal. "Take off your shorts."

Danny raised an eyebrow at her demanding tone. _Givin' me orders, now, Montana?_ "Yes, ma'am," he mock-bowed. _That's kinda sexy, actually. _Grasping his boxers at his hips, he pulled them down a millimeter at a time, teasing her mercilessly.

Lindsay watched closely as the offending garment made its achingly slow way down his hips. _Is he trying to kill me, here?_ "Don't be such a tease, Messer," she snapped, her grin softening her tone. She licked her lips again as his cock bent forward due to the waistband of his underwear. Her eyes were glued to his crotch as his shorts were practically off but still pushing his cock down and covering it. _Hurry up! Show me, already! _"Please?" she whispered, not even aware that she'd said it aloud.

_Fuck, I love it when she begs like that. _He pulled down a bit more, barely starting to reveal what she was so desperate to see. _But then again… _His eyes flashed even bluer as he said, "What do ya want, Linds? Tell me what ya want. Tell me what to do for ya."

Lindsay's eyes rose up to his face to seek out his own. _He **wants** me to…_Gulping, she took a deep breath. _Alright, let's… see if I can do this. _"I…" she cleared her throat again and then her voice came out clear and strong. "I want to see your cock. Show it to me." _Whoa. Way to go, me!_ It was all she could do to keep the smile of pride off her face.

Danny, however, let his own smile shine out big and bright. _Never knew ya had it in ya, Montana. _"Yes, ma'am!" With one final yank, his underwear fell down to his ankles, his cock springing up and bouncing slightly with its release. _God**damn** that feels good._ "Now, can I help **you** get undressed?" His eyes brightened with greed and his fingers twitched at the idea of removing her scant pyjamas and worshipping her whole body.

Lindsay's heretofore well-hidden wicked streak suddenly surfaced. _You're gettin' a little… cocky, there, Messer. _"Maybe… if you can make it worth my while to put in the effort." She bit the inside of her cheek at the look on his face. _You want bossy, you got **bossy**_

Danny's mouth worked up and down a time or two as his brain tried to process what had just happened. _She's… evil._ Regaining control, he smiled down at his prey. _Good thing I am, too._ "Worth your while, eh?" He made his sexy way over to the bed and stood right beside her, his cock scant inches from her face. _That's right, take a good look at it, honey. It's gonna be makin' ya scream later. _"I think I can handle that."

_Oh my…_Lindsay swallowed hard and stared right at the piece of flesh she fantasized about when all she had were her fingers and her vibrator. _I think you can, too._

Kneeling beside the bed, Danny ran one hand over her cheek and into her hair, gaining him access to her face and neck. He leaned in as if to kiss her and smirked a bit as her eyelids drooped shut in anticipation. _You thought I was teasin' **before**? You ain't seen **nothin**' yet!_ He kissed first one eyelid, then the other, hushing her as she murmured something unintelligible. Her lashes fluttered as if she were going to open her eyes, but he gently rubbed his thumbs over them, urging her to keep them closed. "It's all about you, Montana," he whispered into her ear causing her to shiver. His lips pressed softly to her cheek before moving over to kiss just to the side of her mouth. She tried to move her head to take his lips in hers but he stopped her and kissed the other corner of her mouth. Dragging his lips across hers so lightly that they barely grazed her mouth, he tilted her chin upwards. This time, his lips claimed her neck, just below the curve of her jaw. Sucking slightly on her flesh, he reveled in the noises that were escaping her throat.

_Ohh god! He hasn't even kissed me yet! I'm not even naked! _Lindsay squeezed her thighs together again, desperate for some pressure on her aching clit.

_You're soundin' a little anxious there, sweetheart. You sure you can handle this?_ Still cradling her head in his right hand, Danny allowed his left to move softly over her shoulder and down her arm, teasing her with his feather-light touch. Lifting her hand with his, he placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist, licking her skin and loving the taste of her. He kissed his way back up her arm and bit her shoulder before moving back to her neck. Lindsay moaned quietly and moved restlessly on the bed. _Fuck, I want her. _Getting up from his post beside the bed, Danny carefully moved onto the mattress beside her and took her into his arms. Rolling her onto her back, he lifted her other arm and gave it the same treatment he'd given the first and ended at the hollow of her throat.

Lindsay's heart practically pounded out of her chest as Danny's mouth and hands did their work on her body. _The man definitely loves a challenge_, she took note. Reaching up to once more grasp his hair in her greedy fingers, she guided him downwards. _And I **definitely** love his mouth. _

Moving one hand down to her waist, Danny allowed the other to continue its tracing patterns on her arm as he kissed across her collar bone. He allowed his hot breath to caress her breasts on his way down her body, but he didn't touch her there in any way. Her frustrated groan caused his cock to twitch again, but he tried to ignore it for now. _This time, it's all about her. _He rolled back onto his knees, this time between her legs, and picked up her ankle, looking down at her face as he kissed and nibbled her there, too. Her toes pointed and her leg muscles tensed and he couldn't help but notice the way her shorts were darker between her legs than they were elsewhere. _Mmm nice and wet._ Her nipples were hard little bumps in her tanktop, and he wanted nothing more than to take the damned thing off so that he could see them in the flesh. Sliding his hands up and down her calves, he eased her legs apart around him, relaxing her completely as he slowly lowered himself back down to the mattress. He'd tried to move slowly, but the sight of her arousal was clouding his mind and making his blood boil. Moving forward slightly, Danny placed a kiss on the inside of each knee, earning a gasped curse from the woman below him. The gasp turned into a moan which became a whimper as he kissed his way higher and higher up her thighs, his hands now covering and recovering all of the skin that was available to them. Looking upwards again, he took in her heaving chest and tossing head and congratulated himself on a job well done. _Yeah, I'd say that's worth her while, right about there._ Returning to his task, he finished his journey upwards and was rewarded with the sight of a few of her curls through the leg of her shorts. With a mischievous grin, he used a single finger to pull the material high enough to give him a clear shot, and then blew hotly right into her wet pussy.

"Holy…!" Lindsay jumped at the sudden sensation, reflexively grabbing Danny's hair in her fingers again.

"Uhh, Montana?" Danny coughed politely. "I'm gettin' that you're all hot n bothered n stuff… but if you keep that up, I'm gonna go bald."

Lindsay blushed as she looked downwards and caught his rueful grin. _Oops._ "Sorry 'bout that," she apologized as she released him. "You just… surprised me, is all." She tried to regain her composure, but his sexy grin made her roll her eyes and return it with one of her own.

_Baldness is a small price to pay for those sounds you were makin' though._ "So, it worth your while, yet?" He raised an enquiring eyebrow in the direction of her pyjamas.

Lindsay grabbed the bottom of her tanktop in her hands and pulled it swiftly off and over her head, throwing it on the floor behind him and reaching immediately for her shorts.

Danny smiled broadly and watched as she became fully nude. "I'm gonna take that as a yes."

"Take it as a **hell yes**, and then get your ass up here and fuck me," Lindsay smirked back. _Y'know, this whole 'take charge' thing is actually kinda fun. Jess is going to be so proud of me!_

_I've created a monster. _Danny crawled quickly up her body and was instantly enveloped in arms and legs. _A horny, sexy, bossy monster. _The head of his cock bumped against the wetness of her pussy and just barely pushed between her lips. _Fuck, I love monsters. _

Lindsay moved her hips frantically against Danny's, loving the feel of his cock running up and down her slit. Panting with need, she managed to still her movements long enough to issue another order. "Bedside table… drawer… condoms…" Her hands had a mind of their own, however, and were roaming all over his arms, his back, his ass. _God, he's got a fucking fantastic ass. _

Danny pulled so hard on the drawer that it fell completely out of the table, spilling its contents all over the floor. He cursed slightly and leaned over the edge of the bed to grab the box of condoms off of the carpet, his eyes widening at the sight of what all she had in there. He was brought back to the task at hand, though, by the feeling of her nails digging into his hips and the sound of her desperate moans in his ears. _Later. First, we gotta do this before I fuckin' **die** here._ Rolling the condom down his length, he looked up and shivered at the animalistic look in her eye. Then, suddenly, he was on his back.

"No more teasing, Messer," Lindsay growled, sinking herself down on his erection and squeezing her pussy tight around him. _Oh god, that's so so **good**. _Her eyes fluttered shut and her head fell back as he filled her up and then she sat there, impaled on his cock, and reveled in the feel of him.

"Fuck, Linds… holy shit that's good," he grunted before pushing his hips up at her, trying to get even deeper.

"Oh god, Danny, fuck me like that," she breathed as she raised herself up and fell back down in time with his thrusts. His hands gripped her hips tight and pulled her hard down on him at each stroke, stuffing her as completely as possible. "Fuck, yesss!" She bit her lip and rolled her hips, loving how he felt inside her.

"God," he gasped and thrust up, "you're so," he pushed deep into her and groaned as she squeezed him again, "fucking," his hands moved around from her hips to squeeze that sweet ass he thought about ever day, "beautiful," he managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Please, Danny," Lindsay gasped, her voice hitching slightly on his name. "Please," she squealed as his fingers dug even harder into her ass. "Touch me!"

He knew what she meant as soon as she said it and moved on hand around to press his thumb against her clit. "You gonna come for me, Montana? You gonna scream for me real nice?" He rubbed her little nub in insistent circles and was almost immediately rewarded with a bucking, screaming, swearing Montana, the likes of which he'd previously only ever seen in his masturbatory fantasies and he quickly followed her over the edge.

Lindsay groaned groggily and moved reluctantly off of Danny as she felt him start to soften inside her. He kissed her forehead and groaned right back as he got up from the bed and grabbed his shorts from the floor before padding out to the bathroom to clean himself up and dispose of the condom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he took note of the foolish grin plastered all over his face. _We just keep gettin' better at that, y'know?_

He re-entered her room with his underwear in place and grinned at the sight of her, still naked and cuddling her teddy bear. _Lucky fuckin' bear, you ask me. _She smiled sleepily up at him as he chided her to move over and make some room for him. "Or are you gonna throw me out, now that you've used me for sex?"

"The key's on the hook," she yawned and stretched, much to his pleasure. "Don't forget to slide it under the door after you lock up." She opened one eye again to gauge his reaction. _Didn't believe me for a second. Bastard. _Grinning, she gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Or, y'know, stay the night. That'd be good, too."

_Bet your ass, I'm stayin' the night, Montana. _"Sounds good to me." Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her tight to him and she sprawled an arm across his chest. "Now, I just had one question for you…"

"Mhmm?" she nodded against the warmth of his chest.

"What's a nice girl like you doin' with a vibrator in her bedside table?" he asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"**What?**" eyes wide, she sat straight up beside him. Taking in the look on his face, she smacked his chest. _Stupid, smirking jerk. _Setting her jaw, she decided that revenge was better than anger. "You think nice girls don't masturbate?" she asked with a raised brow.

_Mmm I love it when she's looks all pissed like that. _"I think **naughty** girls do," he grinned and lightly spanked her behind. "You naughty, Montana?"

_Increasingly so, since I met you. _"Not nearly as naughty as you are, cowboy," she grinned, poking him in the chest with one finger. "**I've** never been caught… by **Adam**… in the bathrooms at **work**."

Danny's grin froze on his face. _I'm gonna **kill** him. _"You ah… Y'heard about that, didja?" he coughed uncomfortably, squirming under her gaze.

"I did, yes." _I have found the font of information in our office, and I have drunk at the well of its wisdom. _

"Well that was just… I mean, I didn't really… it… I…" Danny cast around desperately for an explanation that _didn't_ make him seem like a horny 14-year-old.

Lindsay leaned down and kissed his stuttering lips again before settling down onto his chest once more. "I own your ass, Messer. And don't you forget it." And with that, she fell asleep.

Danny stayed up for another twenty minutes or so attempting to come up with a suitable death for Adam.


	12. ETR 985

**ETR: Chapter 98.5**

"Yeah, just a little experiment that got out of hand. Sorry you guys had to come around," Mac explained to the fire chief as the other occupants of the building milled around waiting for the all-clear.

Stella watched him lie through his teeth and half-smiled in admiration. Most of the time, Mac was honest to a fault, but he could still make people believe any line he fed them. She was glad he didn't do it to her… at least, not that she'd noticed. She frowned and put her hands on her hips, rethinking his comment in the closet upstairs. She never _could_ get a definitive statement from him about their relationship.

Mac came up behind her and put his hand on the small of her back. "Let's get out of here," he suggested in a low voice. "Not even paperwork is enough to get me to climb up fifteen flights of stairs to my office." He smiled at her.

She smiled back, eyes slightly narrowed as she tried to read his face. "Sure," she replied in a light tone. "Where to?" He couldn't very well suggest dinner as they'd just eaten a gourmet meal, albeit it while sitting on the floor of a supply closet that they'd been tricked into entering and then locked inside by their conspiring coworkers.

Mac shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, walking down the sidewalk as she joined him in step. "Someplace quiet?" he suggested, looking down at his feet.

"Quiet?" Stella asked, looking down at hers and not daring to hope.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Quiet."

"Well, my apartment isn't that far from here. I can make us a cup of coffee and we can… talk." She looked up at the clear blue sky above them rather than at her companion. This was the part of the conversation where he usually suggested a café or something instead. Someplace public.

"That …" he risked a quick glance at her, enjoying the way her curls shone in the sunlight and wishing she were looking at him instead of the sky. He cleared his throat again. "That sounds good." He quickly looked down again as her eyes widened in surprise. He was changing their usual pattern and that was scary enough without seeing her reaction to it.

Stella's mouth moved up and down twice as she blinked repeatedly. She stared at Mac's profile while he stared determinedly at the sidewalk in front of them, and she watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. He was nervous. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Mac nervous. The only time she could think of was when he'd told her he was proposing to Claire and felt unsure of her answer. She swallowed her own butterflies. "Alright. Follow my lead." She smiled at him, hoping he knew that she was okay with whatever he was comfortable doing.

He smiled back, finally looking into her eyes again. "I always do."

…

Stella took a deep breath as she opened the door to her apartment. Mac had been here dozens of times before, but this visit felt different. _They_ felt different. He'd been downright _flirty_ on the way over here, and now she couldn't help but have her hopes up. "Home sweet home," she grinned back at him.

He returned the smile. "It certainly is." Mac looked around the apartment in appreciation. He always felt right at home as soon as he entered the door, unlike when he entered his own apartment which was sparsely decorated and mostly just a place for him to eat and sleep. "It always smells so good in here," he remarked, mostly to himself. Taking off his jacket, he hung it up on one of the hooks by the door.

Stella laughed as she kicked off her shoes and walked towards the kitchen. "It's probably the flowers in the window," she nodded towards the arrangement in the vase.

Mac grinned tightly as he looked over at it. It was full of life and bold colour, just like the woman in front of him. He wondered if they were from the same guy she'd taken to that art show a few weeks before. What was his name again? "They're beautiful."

"Can you believe I got them at a dollar store?" Stella asked over her shoulder, reaching into a cupboard for a couple of mugs.

"No kidding?" His eyebrows raised up and he started considering again.

"Yeah, they have the best fresh flowers I've ever seen," she continued, reaching into the freezer for the coffee. "And they're only three dollars for a bouquet!" She was reaching for the carafe when a hand landed gently on her wrist.

"You know," Mac said in a low voice, "I think it might be a bit late for coffee."

"Really?" She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She should have known better than to get her hopes up, but it really _had_ felt different this time. Of course, she couldn't _blame_ him for still wanting to be faithful to his late wife, but she was starting to think she should just move on. Call Frankie back and give him a chance. Their only date had been unfairly interrupted, after all. Most guys didn't have to compete against a murder.

"Do you have any wine, instead?"

Once again, Stella was totally stunned. Was this the Mac Taylor she'd known for so long? First he's making romantic declarations in a supply closet, then he's flirting with her on the streets of New York, and now he's in her apartment and suggesting they drink wine? She looked at him with an important question on her face, but she asked a different one. "Red or white?"

He looked back with the answer she'd almost given up on getting. "Whatever you want."

She stepped forward, reaching up to open the cupboard for the wine glasses, but still looking into that face that was etched into her memories. He reached up, too, covering her hand with his and then raising his other hand up to cup her cheek. Both of their eyes widened, his with desire and hers with surprise, as he slowly leaned down.

"Are you _sure_?" she whispered, looking down and then back up quickly.

"_Completely,_" he whispered back before leaning in and brushing his lips against hers. His hand slid from her cheek into her hair. He loved her hair. It was so thick and wild, but she somehow managed to tame it. His other hand slid down her arm as it came to land on his shoulder, and he moved it down to the small of her back.

Stella sighed against his lips, loving the feel of his hands on her like that. Her own hands itched to touch him more intimately, but instead she left one just resting on his shoulder and the other loosely touching his hip. Her eyes stared into his, waiting to see the panic or guilt that always seemed to appear when they were getting close. Instead, all she saw was the expression of a man who wanted to do nothing so much as kiss the woman in his arms. With that, her eyes fluttered closed and her hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck so that she could pull him deeper into their kiss.

Mac closed his eyes, waiting to see if his mind's eye threw up a picture of Claire. It always had in the past, and it's what had stopped him every time he and Stella had gotten close. It happened any time he got close with _any_ woman. This time, though, he saw the woman in front of him, beautiful and patient, wise and strong. He saw _her_, and he knew that he was ready.

Pulling away slightly, he left his hand on her waist and moved the other one forward once more onto her cheek. He rubbed his thumb lightly across her lips, looking at them and smiling to himself that he'd finally managed to kiss them properly.

Stella opened her eyes and couldn't help but smile at the look on Mac's face as he caressed her lips. "You keep looking at me like that, Taylor," she joked, "and I'm going to expect more of this."

Mac's face settled into its usual serious expression, eyebrows drawing together to give him a slightly stern look. "Good," he said, quietly but firmly. "Because more of this is exactly what I intend to do." He smiled again, then leaned in for another kiss.

Stella smiled back. She loved that they could still joke with each other, even during a moment as … momentous as this was. Leaning back playfully, she pursed her lips and attempted a stern expression of her own. "And what makes you think that it's what_ I_ want?" she asked, her hand trailing from his shoulder down his chest.

Mac looked down at the hand that was making its way down towards his stomach. He raised his eyebrows and looked up at the hand's owner who was now grinning wickedly. Catching the hand, he used it to pull her solidly against his chest. He grinned back with just as much wickedness and leaned down to just barely touch her lips with his. "Call it a hunch," he whispered.

"Good hunch," she whispered back before pressing her lips against his and then opening her lips for his waiting tongue. The last kiss had been soft and romantic. It had been them figuring out what was happening and exploring new territory. This kiss… this kiss was stronger, full of emotion. It wasn't the unsure, tentative experiment that the last one had been. This one was sure, and it was sure that it was going places.

Mac felt his heart rate increase with each passing second of their embrace. He'd kissed her before, but never like this. He was tasting her and feeling her against him, and all he wanted was to taste and feel _more_. He was momentarily surprised when he felt her tongue slide against his and then into his mouth. It had been a while since he'd been quite this involved with someone. He tensed up for a split second, but relaxed almost immediately, moaning at the sensation that he'd been so long without.

Stella broke the kiss this time, breathing hard and looking at him appraisingly. He was panting too, but she didn't see any signs of regret on his face. "Do you think we should take this out of the kitchen, maybe?" she asked, almost holding her breath.

He was captivated by the breathiness of her voice. "I said I'd follow your lead," he smiled reassuringly. "Lead on."

She took him by the hand and moved towards the living room but found herself caught short when he stopped walking. "What?" she asked, looking at him in confusion.

Mac cleared his throat slightly and seemed to blush a bit. He looked almost bashful. "I just thought…" he looked down her hallway and moved his head in that direction.

"Really?" she had to admit she was a bit surprised. But then, when Mac made a decision, he tended to follow through with it pretty quickly.

"If that's okay?" He felt like he was 17 again and had no idea what he was doing. This was why he hated dating.

Stella nodded her head up and down a few times, coming to grips with the idea that Mac Taylor wanted to take her to the bedroom. "Sure," she replied, squeezing his hand and then leading him down the hallway. She was glad that she'd made her bed that morning, even though she'd been running late.

Mac looked around the room with a certain amount of curiosity. Sure he'd been in there before. He'd helped her paint it when she'd just moved in. It was where people put their coats when Stella had parties. He remembered once bringing her soup when she was off work sick. Still, this was a first. He'd never entered her room before for the purpose he was entering it now. It felt different, somehow. Personal, in a way that it never had before.

Stella sat down on the side of the bed, still lightly holding onto his hand. She looked up at him and smiled as he sat down next to her. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I mean, _really_ sure?" She looked at him seriously. "You know how I feel about you, and you know I want this, but I don't want to do anything at all if you're not ready for it." She stroked his forehead and cheek. "I can wait," she whispered.

He covered her hand with his and then turned his face to kiss her palm. "I don't want to wait anymore," he whispered before leaning in to kiss her again. It was like that second kiss in the kitchen, hot and deep and full of emotion. He wanted her to be sure of him, to know that he was sure of _them_ being together. He allowed one hand to rest on her knee and then move slowly up her thigh.

She opened her eyes one more time to look into his and then nodded and leaned back onto the mattress and swung her legs up before pulling him down with her. He wasn't quite on top of her, but he wasn't quite not either. Keeping himself supported on his knees and his hands, he looked down at Stella. Her hair fanned out on the pillow, and she looked so perfect. Leaning down to kiss her once more, he lowered himself down.

His body rested on the mattress beside her, and he turned her towards him with a hand on her hip. She opened his mouth with her tongue again and started slowly unbuttoning his shirt. His hand moved from her hip to her ribcage and then over to cup her breast. Her breath caught in her throat and he groaned into her mouth as his hand massaged her through her blouse and bra. Emboldened, she finished her work on his buttons and then rolled once more onto her back, pulling him on top of her. His other hand came up to massage her other breast, and he grunted out a protest when he had to remove his hands from their new favourite location in order for her to take off his dress shirt.

"Would you rather play with my breasts or take your clothes off?" Stella joked, kissing his throat.

"I'd rather play with your breasts and take _your_ clothes off," he chuckled back. He enjoyed the feeling of her lips on his neck and took the opportunity to start on the buttons of her blouse. It was hard to concentrate when she was sucking on that sensitive spot just below his jaw, but he still managed to open her shirt to reveal her camisole. He sighed in appreciation of the site and then decided that her neck needed kissing, as well.

Stella moaned as Mac's lips moved to the hollow of her throat. It was still so amazing that this was happening at all after all of this time. She enjoyed the feeling of Mac's muscles moving below his undershirt and moved her hands down to grab his ass. That's when she broke out in giggles.

"What?" Mac asked, surprised and a bit affronted. "I'm not _that_ bad, am I?"

That set Stella off on even louder peals of laughter. Her abdomen spasmed and she had to push him off of her so that she could attempt to gain control.

Mac shook his head as he looked down at his friend, colleague, and almost-lover. He'd seen her like this before, and the only thing to do was to wait until it was over. He had to admit, though, it was quite a show to watch when her torso was covered in lace instead of a blouse. He trailed a hand along her ribs and up to her breasts, squeezing when he reached them and then moving back down again. The next time he did it, he pinched her nipple before retreating. The third time he did it, her laughter had quieted down and she placed her own hand over his to keep it there.

"Now, what was so funny?" he asked, idly rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Her chest was still moving quite erratically, but from her heavy breathing rather than from laughter. "And try not to crack up again when you tell me," he smiled.

"I was just thinking about," she snorted slightly and then regained control. "About grabbing," another snort and another abdominal spasm. She took a deep breath. "I was thinking about the fact that I was grabbing your ass." She looked at him and he didn't seem to get the joke. "I was _grabbing_ your _ass_," she repeated. Now, he just looked confused. "Trust me," she muttered, "it's funny."

"Trust _me_," he whispered back, moving back on top of her again, "it's really not." With that same wicked grin he'd had on his face earlier in the kitchen, he took her hand and placed it firmly on his behind. She squeezed reflexively, and he pushed his hips against her. That's when she felt it. He had an erection. Her eyebrows came up in surprise and pleasure.

"I guess not," she whispered back. Then, she started giggling again.

Mac sighed and sat up. "What is it this time?"

"You've got a hardon!" she laughed.

He dragged a hand across his face and laughed ruefully. Really, the fact that they'd made it this far was fairly surprising. He'd take what he could get for now.

**Author's Note:** Damnit, I really intended for them to get to third base here. I mean, they weren't going to go all the way because the next chapter of ETR has Stella wondering if they'll go any further. But still! Apparently, I just can't force these two to move faster than they want to go. Let's call this one a Not-So-Naughty Bit.


End file.
